Second Pregnancy

After six years, I'm 36 weeks pregnant now and waiting patiently for my second baby to come out. We wanted to give our son a sibling for a few years now but for some reason, we just couldn't conceive. We decided to try until May of this year only as I'm scared of any complications that may arise due to my age (late 30s). We're very thankful that He finally blessed us with a new baby. Our firstborn, Quino, was just too excited to become a kuya, he immediately embraced this new responsibility.

Eventhough we're very excited with this pregnancy, I can't help but feel worried and scared. I don't know if I'll be able to love this baby as much as I love my firstborn. I mean am I capable to love two kids at the same time? I'm also scared that I'll prefer one child over the other and I just don't want any sibling rivalry among them. I'm also worried about time management. Since Quino is a special child, he'll need more time and attention from me but at the same time, a newborn will also eat most of my time. Specially since I'm very determined to breastfeed this baby this time around. My husband said I'm putting too much pressure on myself; and I'm thinking about unnecessary things that may not happen; and that it's preventing me from enjoying this pregnancy.  Maybe he's right, but I just can't help it. Being a mother is so much different from being a father. 

We also don't know the gender of our baby. Just like the first, we decided not to know it. I used to want another boy because I think they are just the sweetest to their moms, but now I really really want a baby girl. My gut says it'll be a girl but at the back of my mind, the ultrasound picture looks a lot like a boy. I know I'd feel guilty if I feel a disappointment once I give birth. If we'll have a girl, then that's the end of that problem. But what if it's a boy, can we afford a third child? And can I still cope with pregnancy at my age? Even if we can, there's no guarantee that we'll have a girl. Waaahh! This pregnancy hormones plus a lot of idle time are killing me!

image by google